This page is general health information, not medical advice. It cannot tell you whether you have an infection. A clinician can, and the testing options on this site are a good place to start.

Telling a partner about an STD diagnosis is one of the hardest parts of sexual health care. It is also one of the most useful. A calm, honest conversation lets your partner get tested, get treated if they need it, and make their own choices.

This guide walks through how to tell someone about an STD diagnosis, step by step. It includes a short script, common mistakes, and an explanation of expedited partner therapy in New York. Nothing here is a judgment. STIs are common, and the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene reported 62,774 chlamydia cases and 32,889 gonorrhea cases in the city in 2024 (NYC DOHMH, STI Surveillance Annual Report, 2024).

Why partners need to know

Partner notification is the CDC's term for letting recent partners know they may have been exposed. The CDC STI Treatment Guidelines (2021) recommend that partners of people with many STIs be evaluated and treated.

There are two main reasons.

A partner may have an infection and not know it, because many STIs cause no symptoms.
If only one person is treated for a bacterial STI, the infection can pass back and forth between partners. Clinicians call this reinfection.

Telling a partner is a health step, not a confession. It is information the other person can act on.

What you need before you start

Think of this as a short preparation list.

Your facts. Know the name of the infection, whether it is treatable or curable, and what your clinician told you. Bacterial STIs and trichomoniasis are curable with treatment from a clinician. HIV, herpes and HPV are not curable, but they are treatable or manageable.
A list of who to tell. Ask your clinician how far back to count. The look-back period depends on the infection.
A private, unhurried setting. A walk, a call or a quiet room works. Avoid text-only if the relationship allows more.
A next step to offer. Have a place for your partner to get tested, such as a clinic or the CDC's testing locator at gettested.cdc.gov.
Support for yourself. A friend, a counselor or your clinician can help you feel steady before and after.

Step-by-step: how to tell your partner about an STD diagnosis

Step 1: Get your own care first

Start with your clinician. They can confirm what you were tested for, explain the results, and prescribe treatment. They can also tell you how long partners should be considered at risk for your specific infection.

Having your own plan makes the conversation easier. You can say "I have started treatment" instead of leaving your partner with only a worry.

Step 2: Decide who needs to hear it, and in what order

List the people you had sex with during the period your clinician gave you. Include partners of any gender and any kind of sex, since STIs can pass through vaginal, anal and oral sex.

You do not need to tell everyone on the same day. Start with the person you feel safest talking to, or the person most likely to have been recently exposed.

Step 3: Choose the setting and the format

A face-to-face or phone conversation is often kindest. If you have safety concerns, or the relationship is over or was brief, a text or a note is a reasonable choice.

If you worry about how a partner might react, you do not have to do this alone or in person. Ask your clinic about help with notification. The NYC Health Department's pages do not describe the details of any anonymous notification service, so check with the clinic or the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene directly.

Step 4: Open with care, then say it plainly

Start with a short, warm opening. Then state the fact in one sentence. Avoid long apologies or long explanations at the start.

Here is a calm script you can adjust:

"I want to talk about something health related. Is now an okay time?"
"I recently got tested and found out I have [name of infection]. I am getting treatment, and I wanted you to know so you can get checked too."
"This is common and there are good options. I am happy to share what my clinician told me."

For a text or message:

"Hi, I wanted to let you know I tested positive for [infection]. You may want to get tested. Free and low-cost options exist in the city, and I can send you some. I am happy to talk if you want."

Step 5: Share the next steps, not blame

Do not try to figure out who gave the infection to whom. Many STIs can be present for a long time without symptoms, and testing cannot always date an infection. Focus on what happens next.

Suggest that your partner talk to a clinician, get tested, and ask about treatment. If your infection is one where HIV exposure could be a concern, you can mention that a clinician can discuss post-exposure options. The 24/7 PEP Hotline listed by NYC Health is 844-373-7692.

Step 6: Give them space to react

Your partner may be quiet, upset, relieved or full of questions. All of these are normal. Let them respond without defending yourself.

If the conversation becomes heated, it is fine to pause. You can say, "I know this is a lot. Let's talk again tomorrow."

Step 7: Plan for sex and follow-up

Ask your clinician when it is reasonable to have sex again. For many bacterial STIs, clinicians advise waiting until treatment is finished and symptoms, if any, have gone. Follow what your own clinician says.

Many clinicians also recommend retesting after treatment for some infections. Ask whether that applies to you.

Expedited partner therapy in New York

Expedited partner therapy, often called EPT, is a way for a clinician to provide treatment for a patient's partner without first examining that partner. The CDC supports it in specific situations, because it can reduce reinfection when a partner cannot easily get to a clinic.

What the law says

New York addresses EPT in Public Health Law § 2312, with related rules at 10 NYCRR § 23.5 (NY Senate). The CDC also publishes a state-by-state EPT legal status page for New York.

NYC Health says the infections for which CDC recommends EPT are chlamydia, gonorrhea and trichomoniasis (NYC Health, Sexually Transmitted Infections: Information for Providers).

What EPT means for you

EPT is something a clinician decides on. It is not something you can request as a right or arrange on your own.
Whether it fits your situation depends on your infection, your partner's circumstances and your clinician's judgment.
A partner who receives treatment this way is still encouraged to get a full exam and testing. EPT does not test for other infections.
Treatment is named and prescribed only by a clinician. This article does not list medicines or amounts.

Ask your clinician directly: "Is expedited partner therapy an option for my partner?" If it is not, ask what they recommend instead.

Tips for a smoother conversation

Be specific and brief. Short sentences are easier to hear.
Offer information, not instructions. "Here is what I learned" lands better than "You need to."
Use neutral words. "Infection" and "positive" are clear. Avoid language that attaches shame to anyone.
Let them choose their care. Your partner may prefer their own clinician or a clinic of their choice.
Keep it private. Do not share a partner's information with others without their say.
Take care of yourself. Feeling anxious beforehand is common. It does not mean you are doing it wrong.

Common mistakes to avoid

Waiting too long. Delays let a partner go on without knowing.
Assigning blame. It rarely helps and often derails the conversation.
Guessing at your partner's results. You can say they may have been exposed. You cannot say whether they do or do not have an infection. Only a test can show that.
Offering medical advice you were not given. Point your partner to a clinician instead of suggesting treatments.
Skipping past partners. A single missed partner can mean the infection stays in circulation.
Assuming one conversation settles it. Be open to follow-up questions.

What to expect afterward

Every situation is different, so results vary. Many people find that:

The conversation feels easier than they feared, especially when they bring a plan.
Partners who get tested early may be able to start treatment sooner if they need it.
Treatment for bacterial STIs and trichomoniasis can cure the infection when taken as prescribed. A clinician can tell you whether a follow-up test is advised.
For HIV, herpes and HPV, clinicians can talk through treatment and management so people can plan ahead.

Some partners will need time to respond. That is a normal part of the process and does not mean the conversation failed.

Where to get tested in New York City

If you or your partner need testing, the city has free and low-cost options. For a fuller list, see our guide to STD testing in New York City.

A few places to know:

NYC Health Sexual Health Clinics. These are run by the NYC Department of Health and Mental Hygiene. NYC Health says adults 19 and older are asked for insurance or a sliding-scale fee, no proof of income is required, and no one is turned away for inability to pay. Most services are walk-in, and clinics may close early once they reach capacity. The clinic hotline is 347-396-7959 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.).
Chelsea Sexual Health Clinic, 303 9th Avenue, First Floor, Manhattan, NY 10001. Walk-in, Monday to Friday 8:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. NYC Health says the main clinic does not offer rapid results and results take about seven days.
Callen-Lorde Chelsea, 356 W 18th St, Manhattan. Phone 212-271-7200. Callen-Lorde says it provides services regardless of ability to pay, with a sliding fee for people who are uninsured or underinsured.
Mount Sinai Adolescent Health Center, 312-320 East 94th Street, Manhattan. For ages 10 to 26. Mount Sinai says its services are completely free, with walk-in and scheduled visits. Phone 212-423-3000.

Clinic hours and services can change, so call or check the clinic's page before you go. You can also look up more locations at gettested.cdc.gov.

Teens and young adults

New York Public Health Law § 2305 allows a licensed physician to diagnose and treat a person under 21 who has or may have been exposed to an STD without parental consent. NYC Health says its Sexual Health Clinics serve anyone 12 or older without parental consent, regardless of immigration status.

Final thoughts

Knowing how to tell someone about an STD diagnosis takes some practice, but the basics are simple: get your own care, say it plainly, share next steps, and give your partner room to respond. Clinicians see these conversations every day, and they can help you plan yours.

How to Tell a Partner You Have an STD (and Expedited Partner Therapy in New York)